Despite her personal struggles she has carved out a successful career in nursing - currently a ward Sister working with teenagers & young adults who are facing Cancer, a job she utterly adores. Lover of women and the power they have, hater of The Tories, The Patriarchy & misogyny. She is a staunch believer that women don’t need to find their voices - ‘We have voices already, big, loud voices. What is happening now is that we demand to be heard. The historical bullshit women have endured needs to end and it needs to end yesterday’. Behind her crippling shyness lies a musician, singer and wannabe funny girl.

So let’s start at the beginning... First ever tattoo was a quickie on the ankle after college - of course - a wander into a tattoo shop on the side of a dodgy petrol station after one too many pints. She flipped open a sticky book of ‘designs’ and plonked a chubby finger (Chez’s words, not mine) on a chinese symbol, she was 17. This has since been covered by an anchor. She also had a ‘Cheryl Cole’ celtic lower back tramp stamp at around 20 years old, which was subsequently covered with a huge anchor bearing the words from her favourite Temper Trap song ‘Sweet Disposition’:

‘While our blood’s still young,
it’s so young, it runs.
Won’t stop ‘til it’s over’

Now covered in nautical traditional tattoos,
she has about 5 anchors on her body. To Chez anchors are a metaphor of strength and stability. Her sober date is proudly tattooed on her thigh under a simple black anchor (this is the only piece on her body done by someone other that Dee Fitzpatrick (Chez’s dear friend and insanely talented artist) - this anchor was done by Emily who works from Dee’s studio, she’s an incredible artist).

Qualifying as a paediatric nurse at 21, starting off with 4 years in accident and emergency, then 6 years on a general paediatric ward looking after children. The social aspect of her life during these times was in complete juxtaposition to the professional person she was at work. She was hanging around with friends who were massive party animals, this coupled with long shifts at work meant she started to spiral out of control whilst trying to keep up. Recreational drugs were on the scene but ultimately Chez’s vice was alcohol. Realising that recreational drug use was not sustainable with life - she describes the comedowns after big weekends, culminating in feeling so low that she and her friends used to call it ‘Suicide Wednesdays’. This was too much to deal with and the wild and debauched times had to stop, making way for alcohol to sink it’s claws firmly in. 

Her drinking began to take an insidious turn in her late 20s. 10 years of looking after sick children, along with some depression and anxiety resulted in the beginning of a downward spiral. Turning 30 was where it all  started to change for Chez. She needed to get as far away from death and dying as she could so she and her then girlfriend (now wife) did some travelling in South East Asia, Chez became a barista and trained as a massage therapist - briefly opening her own clinic room. A world away from nursing but ultimately not the band aid she hoped it would be to fix her. She told me ‘I soon realised life wasn’t an episode of ‘Friends’ and I couldn’t make money or find fulfillment in massaging people or doing a leaf on a latte’. During this time drinking had become a not-so-merry-go-round which took around 8 years to get off. 

After taking this year out she returned to nursing and did a year long stint on a Paediatric Intensive Care Unit - she describes this time as one of the darkest of her life. Her year out had not fixed her propensity to drink, it had fuelled it. She would spend days on end drinking, missing work, lying and isolating herself. Chez told me that had it not been for her mum, Sharon and her wife, Jen, this time of her life may have resulted in her losing her career, her sanity and everyone she loved for her only true love at the time - alcohol. 

She started dating her wife Jen in 2008. Jen (then a student nurse) was sent to work with Chez for a shift in A&E. That day Chez had rode to work on her bike and fallen onto the cross bar - OUCH! This resulted in a grumpy Chez and a student nurse Jen thinking Chez was horrible. Chez apologised at the end of the shift, explaining that her lady parts were smarting a little. A few years later they both got a job on the same Children’s ward - their eyes meeting over a bed pan and the rest is history! 

Growing up feeling as though our society didn’t want her, unsure and consumed with confusion, she was also a chubby kid (again her words, not mine) who was always the butt of the jokes at school - not systematically bullied but certainly not part of the cool crew, not even close.

She was an introvert, the stark opposite of her amazonian sister who modelled in Japan, who was good socially and popular with boys. Chez’s coping mechanism was her love of music. She would retreat to her room, lie in the dark, brimming with teenage confusion, listening to anything from Portishead, Radiohead, Fiona Apple, The Cranberries, Echobelly, Sleeper, The Sundays, KD Lang, Eddi Reader, Skunk Anansie, The Beatles, Dusty Springfield - her eclectic musical taste has grown, followed her into adulthood and music is a huge part of her life.

‘Youth is wasted on the young’

Chez and I spent time talking about her childhood and adolescence - a part of her life she has only really started to think about analytically since she became sober. With the benefit of hindsight, we would all have something profound to tell our 15 year old selves. Chez passionately feels that if she were able to tell her younger, fledgling lesbian self ‘you are not a freak.This will get better. You do you. People's opinions of you are none of your business’, her life would have taken an entirely different trajectory.

Chez grew up in the 80s and 90s. Margaret Thatcher had introduced Section 28, which essentially robbed a generation of the LGBTQ+ from receiving any recognition, validation or help from teachers. This was a time of no representation in films or TV. When Chez eventually saw the kiss between Beth and Margaret in Brookside in 1994, her little gay heart finally felt an affiliation with other human beings. This feeling that maybe she wasn’t a freak was short lived when she saw the red top newspapers the day after - ‘Pre watershed lesbo romp. Brookside viewings plummet’ - or something equally shameful. The villification of gay people by the mainstream media was appauling and this shaped the minds of the LGBTQ+ community. Tell people they are worthless enough times and they will believe it. Chez beamed when we talked about what we see on our screens today - ‘the representation of today is what the LGBTQ+ youth deserve. Obviously it could be better but we are getting there. We are at a place that a young lesbian can see stars - A list to Emmerdale - and think ‘that’s me and she’s not a freak’. The normalisation of ourselves and our relationships is the representation 13 year old me yearned for with every fibre of my being’. 

This is reflected in her tattoos too. She has an anatomical heart with a gramophone speaker bursting from the top - a clear sign of her devotion to music, this and the numerous beautiful lyrics she has adorned on her skin. Her first guitar was given to her at the age of 10 and she has never stopped playing. Playing in various bands over the years but always being beaten back by her nerves and lack of self confidence - ‘I cannot stand all eyes on me or being the centre of attention, I’m not very good at shining’.

Chez also loved comedy from a very young age. Her first experience of this was watching the late, great Victoria Wood on her mum’s VHS. ‘I sat, cross legged in front of the TV, drawn to this often self deprecating yet hilarious woman, dressed in a ‘man’s suit’, that people adored. My obsession with Victoria Wood grew over the years, I just love her, particularly her early work. What a talent and so brave to have fought against the working men’s club mentality comedy crap of the 80s’.

The biggest female influence in Chez’s life however, is her mum, Sharon - ‘I literally owe that woman my life. She’s an incredible human being and I adore her’.

Chez’s everlasting gratitude lies with Sharon. Sharon’s support was unwavering when Chez came out at the age of 17. Well actually, Chez’s coming out story was more Sharon telling her daughter that she knew she was a lesbian and that it didn’t matter, nothing would change their love. In a world where so many of the LGBTQ+ community lose their parents and families Sharon is a shining example of how to support your child. Ironically Chez felt that even with this acceptance from her mum, the damage inflicted by growing up gay in the Northwest, during the 80s/90s was done and ingrained. She still felt unworthy of love. Her teenage eyes had seen the Daily Mail’s article which indirectly called for a resurgence of Nazi inspired Eugenics by stating that new science meant a gay gene could be identified in utero, giving the parents the opportunity to not continue with the pregnancy. Her teenage brain had assimilated every single article, every headline, every slur, all the disregard from some people for the lives lost during the AIDS epidemic. She was already shaped. 

It’s apparent that Chez feels as though these things must have contributed to her alcoholism but doesn’t blame them. She clearly is very passionate about her life and how it has evolved. She began a blog recently in the name of catharsis, the link to which is on her Instagram page. The excerpt below is taken from one of her pieces of writing and I feel it sums things up perfectly:

‘Now listen, this ain’t no pity party. I know compared to some I have had it breezy but I wanted to just take a minute and talk about the effects of modern history on my little old life. Being able to sit here, with my wife fast asleep next to me, in the house we jointly own is something that I will never take for granted. It is something I will be eternally grateful for. My gratitude for the life I am able to freely live, lies with those who paved the way. Those people who stood up and said ‘I don’t fucking think so Maggie’ when Section 28 became law. To Booan Temple, who along with other lesbian activists, stormed BBC news, leaving Sue Lawley mid way through the 6 o’clock news, clutching her pearls and scared half to death. To those who lobbied, fought tirelessly and won. To Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera and everyone who stood up and said enough is enough at the Stonewall riots in 1969. Harvey Milk, Ian McKellen, Peter Thatchell. I mean, I could type names until my fingers bled. So many people, so many people that broke down those walls of bigotry so that the queer community could live, not just live as in stay alive (although the fight to stay alive was a very real fight) but to LIVE. Live their lives free to love who they choose without shame or fear of reprisal, physical harm or death. We owe so much to those people. Also, we must always remember that in more than 70 countries it is illegal to be homosexual, about 13 of those the punishment is death. Death for being your true self, loving who you want to love. Death for being who you are meant to be on your one, short go on Earth. Mind blowing and maddening. 

What I have faced pales into insignificance when you consider those who literally gave their lives to the cause but the effect on my life is just that, MY life. Things have turned out good but the way I have been shaped, the realisation of how our very own modern history led that shaping and the slow dismantling of my acquired shame has been (and still is) extremely challenging. Every subsequent part of my life was influenced by my childhood and adolescence. Had the world not told me I didn’t belong, where could I be now? If I wasn’t consumed by feelings of abnormality and disgust from such a young age, might my educational achievements have been better? Or different? Might I have followed my wish to be a musician? I truly believe the path of my life was altered by society and the government. I’m not bitter and I love my life, I have a great life and I am married to my soul mate. I just find it very interesting that these external factors had such power and influence’.

As well as the ongoing voyage of self discovery Chez has developed an alter ego - a lass from Birkenhead with big lips and a bold as brass personality - Aurora Majora. Aurora is hilarious. Check out her page, she’s Chez’s first attempt at writing comedy and it’s going very well. Owing to her crippling nerves Chez would never have the confidence to do stand up but she is obviously a comedian with great potential. It’s clear Chez’s talents as a guitar player, singer and funny girl are not something she truly believes in. She is uncomfortable when talking about what she does well, perhaps these talents will flourish more as she continues further on her voyage. 

‘Life has changed so much over the past 4 years. Sobriety has changed me in ways I cannot articulate. I find it difficult to talk about myself because I am only just finding out who I truly am. I am 41 and I am really only just meeting me. I have wasted so much time either hiding or drowning and now I can finally breathe and learn that I don't need to hide who I am. I’m not talking about my sexuality, I am a very proud lesbian and once I came out I stayed out, no matter who I lost along the way. I could not hide my sexuality anymore and I would not hide it. Comparison is the thief of joy - as they say - and so much of my joy growing up was taken in trying to be someone I wasn't. Comparing myself to the other heteronormative kids and knowing I wasn’t like them. So much of my joy was drowned in alcohol. No more! I wear my heart on my sleeve (literally haha) and I am finally able to call myself a good human being. I have forgiven myself for the terrible things I did during my drinking days. In the words of Sia (before she became a rubbish song machine) - ‘yesterday is dead and gone and so today, place your past into a book, burn the pages, let them cook’. 

She went on to say:

‘What has become apparent to me is that we should not single out parts of ourselves to hate. Try to love every part of yourself, even your faults and flaws because they are the composite parts that make you a human being. A gloriously unique human being on your one and only go on this earth. We can’t waste this listening to bullies or trolls or comparing ourselves to the edited highlights of someone else's life on social media’.

Chez is obviously on the right path and has found her inner strength. She clearly shows that change is possible. Life changing change is possible. 

All her tattoo
(bar the anchor mentioned earlier)
were done by the wonderful Dee Fitzpatrick

Thigh anchor by Emilie Barlow
@inkbyemilie_blackhearttattoo

Also check out:
Chez @tilted_80

Her blog
www.tiltedchez.wordpress.com

The hilarious
@aurora_majora_

Story written and photographed by @misschiefcreative